CULTURE-A WIDOW MUST NOT SPEAK

I’m missing

Missing you.

That day you died

I shouted but could not even cry

The family swarmed around like bees

Instructing me what to do

Because I now wore the clothes of widowhood.

“A widow must not speak” they said

“Why?” I asked

“It is tradition”

“It is our culture”

“You must be silent when people are around”

“Being chatty makes people think you are enjoying the attention”

“So you must be quiet”

Even in grief they want to control me

Control my emotions

Control my tears

In the name of culture

Now the years have gone by

And I finally meet an elder who explained

“Long ago there were no therapists

Or counsellors

Like we have now

The only way for you to keep you sanity

Was to be silent and watch what was going on around you

But if you began chatting day and night

After all the mourners had left

And you were alone

You would continue chatting to yourself

And end up doing it without knowing it

Sometimes it is wise to listen to the elders

For every act called culture

Has a reason for existing

We just have to search for the reason

(c) Mariska Taylor-Darko 2019